Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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