dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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