toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
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