I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
