You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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