and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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