he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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