I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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