I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
