My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
