Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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