That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
