I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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