ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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