I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
