omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This baby is an asshole
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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