we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
