paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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