Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
