Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
