You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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