I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
