Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
