Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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