I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
