bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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