I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
