You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
