I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Randomize
