what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
