Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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