Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
