I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
