Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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