when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Are we still banned from the library?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i think my cat just said my name.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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