i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I could fuck to npr.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
