He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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