we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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