Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
