so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
