you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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