k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
