am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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