Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This is the high leading the old right now
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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