he wants to bone in the snuggie
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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