glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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