He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
