I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
