All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
