you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
