'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
