ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
