just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"