yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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