Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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