sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day