Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
from now on my penis is your penis
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize