I'm so fucking centered right now
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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