i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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