was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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