I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
