Your mouth is God's brothel.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
