My first STD was from a foam party
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
