Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
