You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
