my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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