Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
barbara walters just said penis...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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