i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
