You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
