I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize