His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
