So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
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Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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