We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
